133 Days

It’s been over 4 months since I left India with my new look on life.  I remember being on my plane coming home and reading all the letters we wrote each other so the ride wouldn’t be lonely after leaving our India Family for the first time after 14 straight weeks together.  It is amazing how much has happened to me in these 4 months.  My first time facing Wal-Mart after being in the States ended with me crying only seconds after I walked through the doors… You maybe wondering what else was different for me in my life back home, and that’s the thing, I’m not back home.  I am currently in Grenoble, France studying French with a completely different program and a completely different lifestyle. What’s the difference? Well being a vegetarian isn’t as easy and I’ve gained back all the weight I lost in India since the French eat mostly bread, cheese, and potatoes. I take not only my velo (bike) to school but also the tram and the train.  Buildings aren’t missing walls, you cannot walk around barefoot, you eat with a fork and a knife (even for pizza), you drink wine at most meals, and you can pet the dogs.  My life in France is a different one, it is a test of what I have learned in my life towards becoming more sustainable. I have been faced with consumption on a different level than India and the States. The French eat with the seasons which is great, but they also change their clothes with the seasons as well. A large difference here is that I am no longer with my support group. My classes here are just 4 hours a day of just French.  After class I go hang out at the park with friends, go to the movies, or hike the alps. There have been many times where I feel I am lost and my group isn’t just a few doors down to talk, cry, listen, and laugh with anymore.  I haven’t been the best at keeping in touch with all my friends and yet I think about them all the time.  It’s crazy how I wanted to live in the moment here in France, but it has been hurting me as well not taking the time to write those I care about the most.  What I am trying to write from this long winded post is I miss India. I miss India, and my friends. Something most people who I meet in France will never understand. Volia, c’est ma vie.

-Melissa

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    India Decompression

    “Reverse culture shock? What’s that?”, a student asks me about a month ago. “Its an actual class.” I respond. “Living Routes would be negligent to send everyone home without some guidance and thought or tools about how to land.” I wonder to myself, how many other programs finish the semester with guidance around of how to assimilate back into a culture, so familiar, and yet possibly so different after being away for so long.

    As a class, we discuss adjusting to cultural changes, driving, malls, and friends that live so far away; how to explain where we have been for the last three months and what we have seen to our friends and families that have little context, and how to convey the experience of someplace or feeling to an audience that has no reference?

    Most of all we talked about support. How can we as a community support each other through this process once everyone is separated to different parts of the country? Here are some of the things which the group came up with…

    Yoga
    Meditation
    Journaling
    Sleeping/taking time for rest
    Calling/email/reaching out for support
    Choosing foods that are nourishing, and healthy
    Setting goals for the first two weeks
    Physical exercise
    Creating new interests/new activities
    Continue reading/learning LR inspired books
    Creating a small slide show for family/ friends
    Calling on your inner strength
    Going into nature
    Set time apart for yourself
    Stay active!
    Leading new ideas around sustainability to your friends/family, by example

    We offer this list of ideas to anyone who may have concerns about returning to a familiar place after some time away, and adjusting to these transitions.

    Safe travels!

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      The Raw Vegan Experience

      This blog is a little outdated, but what better time for reflection than now, right?

       

      The first section of our program was a six-week period dedicated to not only classes and yoga, but also our Service Learning Projects. Service Learning is where we choose a business/community in Auroville to volunteer with the work while learning about what they do. We would be spending our mornings from 9-12, Monday through Thursday at this site, so it was a daunting task to choose where we wanted to go. During Orientation, we had lunch at this raw vegan restaurant one day. The owner, Anandi, greeted us with an infectious smile and overwhelming loving energy. I instantly knew that I wanted to work with her, even though I knew nothing about raw food, or veganism for that matter. But my thought was that I’m here to learn anyways, so I chose the restaurant for my Service Learning Project!

      I was so nervous for my first day. I picked one of my few nice kurtas that I had bought to wear, and I made sure to show up ten minutes early. Anandi quickly calmed my nerves by showing me around, introducing me to the staff, and sat me down to read some of her books on raw food. These books were my first window to the raw vegan diet, and although I was skeptical, I took the time to read them. My first instinct, as I think is most people’s, is to cook food, unless I’m eating raw carrots and ranch dressing, or something. So the idea of not cooking anything led me to believe that the variety of raw food to make was going to be limited. However, this was not true. Many of my hesitations about the raw vegan diet were quelled by these books and through my six weeks with Anandi, and it is my hope to share these with you here.

      One of the basic ideas about the benefits of raw food is that raw food is alive! That is why raw food is sometimes called Live Food. The idea is that when you cook food, you are essentially eating “dead” food that has fewer nutrients than its live counterpart. As a science nerd, this made complete sense to me. When heated to a certain temperature, proteins denature, which means their characteristics (in this case, the nutrients) are no longer active. I thought, How stupid! Why have we been cooking the nutrients out of our food? This was one of the first light bulbs that went off in my head about the raw diet. You can clearly see the difference between cooked vegetables versus raw ones. They are duller in color, mushier in texture, and often don’t taste as strong.

      That brings me to another main aspect of the raw vegan diet: colors! Sometimes referred to as the “Rainbow Diet,” Live Food tries to encompass all the colors of the rainbow. It’s indisputable that we eat with our eyes as well as our mouth, and raw food is no exception. This diet would even be easy for a pre-schooler to understand. Generally, white foods are high in sugar: bread, pasta, refined sugary sweets, etc. The same goes for the other colors, as well. Blue foods, such as blueberries and purple cabbage, are high in antioxidants, and green foods, such as most vegetables, are very good for you. The Rainbow diet is not only fun, but also easy to follow. When you cook these foods, the colors fade, which is also indicative of the nutrients fading, as well.

      This last aspect is what really saved the raw vegan diet, in my opinion. Our bodies make and produce enzymes that help us to digest the food that we eat. We have different enzymes for carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. However, foods such as fruits and vegetables make these enzymes, as well. However, they are more specific enzymes to more efficiently break down that certain type of food. So, for example, a cucumber contains not only nutrients but also the enzymes needed to break down that cucumber. Now you may be asking why a cucumber wouldn’t break itself down then. The answer is that these enzymes are contained in certain membranes that keep them inactive until disrupted. So when you cut open or peel a cucumber, you activate those enzymes, and in fact it will break itself down over time. So, when you cook these foods, you essentially deactivate their enzymes and make them useless to us, which in turn makes the food harder to digest. However, were you to eat the food raw, you would benefit from unhampered nutrients as well as an aid in digestion.

      Though some of the benefits of the raw vegan diet are extremely scientific, I believe that it is important for people to incorporate some aspect of this diet into their lives. I, for one, can never commit to turning completely raw, but I could stand to include more raw food in proportion to cooked food in my diet. Through working with Anandi, I’ve learned so much about the ways in which I could better my lifestyle through my diet when I get home, and I hope that more people can learn about the benefits of taking care to learn about what food they are eating.

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        The wonderful sources cited in “parts” 1,2,& 3!

        Work Cited 

        Bono, Edward de. Televised Course Presented by Edward De Bono Transmitted in the Early 1980′s on the BBC. Dir. Edward De Bono. YouTube – Broadcast Yourself. 29 June 2011. Web. 30 Nov. 2011

        Carson, Rachel. Silent Spring. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 2002. Print.

        Devall, Bill, and George Sessions. Deep Ecology. Salt Lake City: Gibbs Smith, 1985. Print.

        Fukuoka, Masanobu. The One-straw Revolution an Introduction to Natural Farming. Goa: Other India, 2006. Print.

        Hajameen, Min. “Sustainability.” ILC of Verite Community, Auroville. Oct. 2011. Lecture.

        Hawken, Paul. The Magic of Findhorn. London: Souvenir, 1975. Print.

        Satish, Kumar. You Are, Therefore I Am: a Declaration of Dependence. Totnes, Devon: Green, 2002. Print.

        Seed, John. Thinking like a Mountain: towards a Council of All Beings. Philadelphia, PA: New Society, 1988. Print.

        Wheatley, Margaret J. Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler, 2002. Print.

        *Oxford American Dictionary:

        Dictionary is an application developed by Apple. It was introduced with Mac OS X v10.4 “Tiger”, and provides definitions and synonyms from the New Oxford American Dictionary, 2nd Edition and Oxford American Writer’s Thesaurus, 2nd Edition.

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          Part three; Sustainability as an ideological shift, a shift in our identities

          Discriminating knowledge never speaks to the truth. The only truth is that there is no knowledge. There is no knowledge and no ultimate truth in existence. There is solely existence. Yet as human beings we have managed to separate ourselves from all other existence, hung up on explaining in favor of experiencing. As scientific knowledge becomes the basis of our living, we become dependent on observational truths. These truths become the foundational facts of our being. We have gone so far in belief as to let them birth our identity. When you see experiences just as is, just as they are, there is no interpreting, judgement, or assumptions by the intellect. Instead we are entrapped within a scientific paradigm; our physical being bound “in a world dominated by the technology of the old, a science which treats life as mechanical, where living organisms respond to fixed laws which man discovers and applies. Nowhere has this been more true than in the world of plants. We have studied, dissected, experimented, and examined the whole world of plants and have developed sciences which make plants our servants” (Hawken, 124). This is the limited scientific truth and judgement which sets an ontological divide of humans from nature.

          The knowledge we call truth defines nature as “the phenomena of the physical world collectively, including plants, animals the landscape, and other features and products of the earth, as opposed to humans or human creation” (Oxford American Dictionary). By this definition humanity is not part of the natural physical world. We are, along with our creations, not considered nature. Our separation in identity grows within the egotistical mindset we as humans take on through labeling, categorizing, compartmentalizing, and defining existence. Humanity has come to a point where we no longer see ourselves as a part of nature, in coexistence with life, but instead as superior to nature, possessing the ability to explain existence. We also cannot be considered “natural” existence, as by definition “natural” means to be “existing in or caused by nature, not made or caused by human kind”(Oxford American Dictionary). Woah woah woah, lets back up here. Where on earth do these defining ultimate truths come from? As I explored earlier, I see them as an inability to simply exist, an inability to realize the interconnectedness of existence. There is a need to step back and refrain from separating, compartmentalizing, and defining, passing these judgements off as truth. We need to stop ourselves from plugging into patterns so that we no longer have to “think” because we “know.” Closing ourselves off through “the pursuit of truth and wisdom, we have lost every faculty that would grant that which we seek” (Hawken, 126). So how do we break through this front? Let’s zoom way out, lets make no assumptions on the limits of existence. Simply experience these words.

          To say that what I personally do in life as a human being matters is purely egotistical. To say that the being of any existence matters is to pass judgement rooted in the narrow perspective of the human intellect. To say the existence of the earth matters is a narrow view of the self. To say that the end of the earth’s existence, the end of our atmosphere, the end of our solar system, the end of our universe, even to say that the end of all this and beyond matters, is to make an assumption about existence. An assumption we have no way of proving without basing the “facts” or proof on the narrow interpretational observations of the human intellect. So how can we be so superior as to pass this off as truth. Who says that anything matters? So everything is “matter” by our scientific definition, but does any of this matter matter?

          Everything just is, there are no answers that are not purely egotistical. There is no truth. There exists no good nor bad, no right nor wrong. I cannot assume that I can do any wrong in my very existence. So then how do humans do wrong? Are we doing wrong or might this path that global society is paving be right? Who is to say we are destroying the earth? Who is to say we are not just as we are, part of the regenerative process of nature. We are nature, and so everything we produce, define, create, and dream up is nature as well. It might take trillions and zillions of years to break down into what we define as earth, but it’s nature. We might die out as a human race, but that is still nature. To say that human induced extinction (of humans or any other being) is not natural or is not a part of nature, is to say that human action and humans themselves are separate from nature. It is not. We are not. We are all interconnected matter that does not really matter. Or maybe we do. But who will ever know. There is no knowing, no right nor wrong. So there just is. We just are. Realize that none of what we see as true is the “truth” as we know it to be. Realize that there is no truth. Realize that we can make NO assumptions about our very existence. I am making the assumption that NOTHING matters, But you might make the assumption that EVERYTHING matters, or CERTAIN things matter. If we leave all of these assumptions behind, leave all beliefs we assume as “truths” behind, then we just are. Everything just is. Try saying that out loud…I just am. Earth just is. We just are. Existence just is. IT JUST IS. No assumptions, no judgements, everything just is. One cannot say there is truth, yet one cannot say there is no truth. Take away all labels, all definitions, all categorization, all compartmentalization. Take this all away, and breath. Nothing is, yet everything is. Is what? Just is.

          There really is no weak nor strong, no good nor bad, no right nor wrong. We create these notions in our human intellect. If we could step back, back to the days of infancy, we could see light and dark, strong and weak, young and old, but make no judgements. This is how you are, therefore I am; interconnected as one whole, indefinable in our being. We need to return to perception as it was at our state of infancy, without discrimination. Living this way, even for a second, changes everything. It’s hard, but to be conscious about not making assumptions, to avoid judgements as best we can, it changes happiness and presence. It brings a calm to life, a natural movement towards our defined need for “sustainability.” We can bridge the vast existing separation of life by “giving up everything on the mental level, the concepts, the intellect, and the ideas that one has imposed upon the world, and to release these and see the world again as a child, with fresh eyes and an open mind” (Hawken, 67). It is how we see things that creates separation or relation. If we see them as separate, they will be separate in our reality; if we see them as related, they will be related in our reality. It is all in the seeing. This perspective brings forth a vital recognition, that all existence is one.

          It is my belief that with this mindset we can work within the global societal structure present today and our actions will reflect a closer connection to the earth and all other existence. From this we can achieve a fundamental shift in our ideological base, an expanded identity and realization of our interconnectedness, and our being. Then and only then, as I see it, will we be closer to nature. We will no longer be separate and superior, no longer explaining instead of experiencing, our actions will reflect this even as we exist within the social structure our human intellect has created. We will begin to experience on all levels; our talk reflected in every waking moment of our walk, demonstrating sustainability by bringing our identities down to earth, seeing integration of our existence.

          I chose not to discuss sustainable technological development in this paper because I do not see a successful fundamental global shift in sustainability based in technological innovations stemming from a perceived moral obligation. I see them rooted in an ideological shift, a shift in the foundations of our thinking, a shift in how we identify ourselves. “When people feel they unselfishly give up, even sacrifice, their interest in order to show love for nature, this is probably in the long run a treacherous basis for ecology. Through broader identification, they may come to see their own interest served…through genuine self love, love for a widened and deepened self” (Seed, 24). I would identify this shift as the biggest challenge currently facing our society in the United States. But if we can make this shift in ideology we will come closer to closing an ontological gap between human beings and nature, this is what I see as sustainable. A sustainability in our being, our being inclusive of all existence which in turn marks the beginning of a sustainability of all life, living and non living life.

          Closing this gap means supporting an evolution of existence where non human nature changes slowly over thousands of years by dwelling together WITH human beings, they are not products born entirely from the unchecked usage of our surroundings. I believe there can be made a distinction in natural being for example between plastic, which evolves overnight through human manufacturing, and the evolution of crops over thousands or tens of thousands of years which dwell together with human beings. Both I argue are nature, as we are nature, but the creation of plastic distances itself from the realization of interconnectedness. The production of plastic ignores the implications and affects on inter-being. Plastic falls closer to discriminating scientific truth, judgement, and discovery than to the realization and recognition of all existence as one. Manufacturing production is an exemplar of ontological separation which Min noted in class; within 200 years we have consumed what took millions of years to form, the extraction of finite resources at such a rate falls farther from the realization of co-existence than evolutionary change over tens of thousands of years.

          We as humans have taken pride primarily in our economic and scientific development, but we need to stop and really see the implications of these innovations. Why is it that we think “if one does nothing at all the world could not keep running. What would the world be without development?…Why do we have to develop? If economic growth rises from 5% to 10%, is happiness going to double? What’s wrong with a growth rate of 0%? Isn’t this a rather stable kind of economics? Could there be anything better than living simply and taking it easy?” (Fukuoka, 158). Often we let this pride take over, necessitating scientific creation of further solutions, when much simpler solutions, solutions which are in balance with existence, lie within the ideological frame of mind I have outlined in this paper. The technological solutions we have come to endorse are growing not so much out of their successes but out of necessity to cover their tracks.

          We need to realize and grasp the extending reach of our innovational consumption which lends a hand in perpetuating an ill we think we are working to eradicate. Existence is one, and making as much of a shift in this ideological direction as we can is the first step to understanding our relationship of personal breath to what we call global sustainability. “If we do have a food crisis it will not be caused by the insufficiency of nature’s productive power, but by the extravagance of human desire” (Fukuoka, 104). We need to take off our blindfolds and stop selectively seeing the world. If we all act in this way, choosing when to see our being as one and choosing when to see the interconnection of existence, then we are consciously choosing to perpetuate the current state of “global crisis.” There needs to be an end to the illusion that I exist independently of the Other. I believe this end goes hand in hand with the end of our narrow perception of truth which we validate by a believed superiority of our human intellect.

          With this end comes an end to the assumption that the answer lies in technological advancement. These assumptions are often not addressing the root of our problems, but are creating alternative technological solutions with unknown affects, as we continue to avoid recognizing the implications of our global culture of commodity. We consume knowing the implications, but are afraid to step outside of what we “know,” choosing to explain rather than experience the crisis we are in.  “Most of us are aware of the destruction of our planet at the deepest level, but we do not face it, do not integrate it for fear of experiencing the despair that such information provokes” (Seed, 8). We need to experience the far reaching effects of our actions, not move forward blindly into an innovational world of the human intellect.

          If deforestation is the issue, stop and plant more trees. We are currently indulging in elitist luxuries, supporting industrial technological evolution, perpetuating a socio-economic disparity. “We are told that the pollution and destruction caused by technology will be solved by technology, that we need more power to clean up what the generation of power has created, an argument so absurd that it merits no response” (Hawken, 126). We have bought into the paradigms of technological advancement and economic development, learning to “make hybrids that can grow bigger and faster than their parent stock. The size, shape, and even colour of plants altered by methodically applying all our knowledge of genetic manipulation. We can even grow square tomatoes that can be machine picked and compactly shipped. The fact that the tomatoes tasted like the cardboard they were wrapped in seems somehow to be lost in all the hoopla and self-congratulatory publicity” (Hawken, 125). We refuse to look to the root of our consumption, as we divert our energy towards new innovations of consumption and energy stores which allow us to perpetuate our commodification of life. Think about the technological innovation of solar panels, a beautiful idea of energy storage on a small scale, but now envision every single household on the planet using solar panels; mass production alone would make this ingenious idea another product using up the earth faster than it can regenerate itself. Manufacturing and processing on that scale, the additional upkeep, eventual disposal of these materials, and an inability to regenerate themselves leaves solar panels and the majority (if not all) other technological advancements out of the running towards a sustainable global future.

          Through the disparity between technological innovations and sustainability we can be found perceiving living beings as things, “mere resources to be exploited for economic profit. We are choosing to exist in a paradigm where ‘all individuals, families, communities, classes, societies and nations must seek their own, separate self-interest” (Kumar, 180).  As a part of social, economic, and scientific developmental self interest, we have begun to make assumptions regarding what is necessary to survive. Whatever it is that we are now consuming, whatever we think we need to consume to live, is nothing more than something we have thought up. Scientific knowledge has become the basis of living. “People nowadays eat with their mind, not with their bodies” (Fukuoka, 137). Material consumption from the mind must end. In recognizing existence just as it is, there is no longer an assumed need to create knowledge which enables us to “lord it over the earth.” We can step back and observe Gandhi’s way of a method-less method, existing without the need to go anywhere or seek any victory. We can begin to free ourselves from “seeking victory through the skillful, yet self-conscious application of technique…acting because it is the best and most efficient way to put nature to use” (Fukuoka, 119). We can create distance from our current culture of commodity. We can step back away from this lens of complexity and just be.

          To be in this way is to inter-be, realizing all existence just as it is and just as you are, ultimately enabling communication between ourselves and the earth. “Conversations can only take place among equals. If anyone feels superior, it destroys conversation. Words are then used to dominate, coerce, and manipulate. Those who act superior can’t help but treat others as objects to accomplish their cause and plans. When we see each other as equals, we stop misusing them” (Wheatley,141). A radical shift in our ideological base will work to bring us closer to a more conscious existence, steering away from the misuse of the world around us. As our consciousness evolves we will act as one, in the interest of one, seeing existence as one. Our perception of home will shift and we will no longer derive our identity from labels of the human intellect and scientific truths. We will open up communication with all life. “Communication, at its best, is called love; when it breaks down completely, we call it war. And it is a sort of war that is going on now between human beings and the earth. It’s not that nature refuses to communicate with us, but that we no longer have a way to communicate with it” (Devall & Sessions, 95). We feel safe within our narrow perspective of home, as home in this sense does not represent the earth and all existence, but it represents the physical structure we most closely identify with, the walls which keep out “danger.” But when we expand our identity, shift our ideological perspective, close this ontological gap, open up pathways of communication, we will see that danger and war is within our home, within our earth, within our existence, within us.

          Lets expand our identities past the narrow self, past our mother who birthed us, past the names given to us, past our home towns, past our current physical location. Lets expand our identities to realize the vastness of our existence that is. To truly realize and include all that we experience, all that is the earth, the matter that is you and that is me, and that is the ground beneath our feet. Realize the matter that maybe matters or maybe does not, but that is.

          “The search is over, the quest complete, close the books, shut the libraries, let the air waves be still, the cortex twitches from fatigue, it has become taut, sinewy, ropy, and inflexible. Let it rest,” as we no longer think (Hawken, 79). 

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            Part two; pursuing my identity only to find the answer in the fact that there are no answers. Finding that I am.

            Who are you? I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked to reflect on this question throughout my existence, this question being particularly popular throughout my time here in India. When meeting someone new the culturally appropriate answer across the board is to give you name, which is typically followed up by where you are from and what you are doing in that specific space. I have been robotically responding, “Hi I’m Tara. I’m from the U.S., specifically Chicago. I’m here in Auroville on a university program studying self and environmental sustainability.” This is how I identify myself, and now how the person I met will identify me. Stepping back, I have come to realize that I am giving my being a label with these words of identity. Without a name, a physical place of origin, and reason for being where I am, I would have no identity in the eye of the inquirer, and in the eye of most people. If I could not give those answers to someone I was meeting for the first time I think it’s a safe bet to say many would think I was crazy, lost, had an issue with my memory, or maybe in need of medical attention. These are the conclusions we draw when one cannot easily answer this set of questions for us, identifying themselves in this specific way. As we project this identity we become this identity. We identify with the label. I am Tara. I am from Chicago. I am a student in Auroville, studying sustainability. This is who I am. As a global community we are increasingly defining ourselves by labels. “We stick labels on ourselves, and we ask others what theirs are (Are you a Leo, an ENTJ? An A type personality? A theory Y leader?). We assume we know each other the moment we hear the label. As we become busier, with less time to sit and talk to each other, we increasingly reach for these short-hand identifiers. The result is that we know less about each other, but assume we know more” (Margaret Wheatley, 114). After my introduction of name, hometown, purpose for being here, you know who I am, right? Wrong. You know absolutely nothing about my being. But not to worry, since I don’t know anything about my own being either.

            According to perceived relevance of these globally prevalent questions, this is something I should probably figure out. Continuously letting out one exasperated reply after another, stating my name, hometown, etc, I’ve come to realize that I don’t know myself. I cannot be defined by this string of words. I’m not Tara from Chicago, here in Auroville with a university program studying sustainability. Going back to the start, I think to myself, “am I just Tara, simply characterized by the name Tara?” No, this is still an assumed truth, a mere label. In trying to understand the depth and reason for labeling I found that Masanobu Fukuoka explains it best in his book, One-Straw Revolution; “To say that you are born from your mother’s womb and return to the earth is a biological explanation, but no one really knows what exists before birth or what kind of world is waiting after death” (160). Human beings endlessly engage in these biological, philosophical, and cultural explanations of who we are, all rooted in the human intellect, projecting our narrow perception of existence as truth in answering the global standard. Instead, I am. You are, therefore I am. We simply are. If I just am, then what is this label I have been projecting throughout my entire life? I see these labels as our search for truth as human beings. We love truth and answers. Our search for answers has led us to explain even the sun’s existence. We hold to the “fact” that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, but this is merely an astronomical observation. “Knowing that you do not understand either east or west is closer to the truth. The fact is, no one knows where the sun comes from” (Fukuoka, 161). We think we understand phenomena, such as the rising of the sun and our very existence, as we become familiar with the ideas. However, these are mere observational truths based in intellectually categorizing knowledge. These answers are born through the belief that we come closer to truth with developing scientific, psychological, philosophical, etc knowledge. We create these explanations through human intellect and then base our existence off of these mere assumed observational truths. We construct our identities from this base of knowledge, fundamentally separating human beings and nature. We think only to lock into these patterns of knowledge, which enable us to no longer question because we “know.”

            Our separation in identity grows within the egotistical mindset we as humans take on through labeling, categorizing, compartmentalizing, and defining existence. Humanity has come to a point where we no longer see ourselves as a part of nature, in coexistence with life, but instead as superior to nature, possessing the ability to explain existence. “This is only superficial knowledge though. It is the knowledge of the astronomer who knows the names of the stars, the botanist who knows the classification of the leaves and flowers, the artist who knows the aesthetics of green and red. This is not to know nature itself–the earth and sky, green and red. Astronomer, botanist, and artist have done no more than grasp impressions and interpret them, each within the vault of his own mind. The more involved they become with the activity of the intellect, the more they set themselves apart and the more difficult it becomes to live naturally” (Fukuoka, 154). We cannot capture the essence or answers to the constantly transitioning nature of all life. “Trying to capture the unknowable in theories and formalized doctrines is like trying to catch the wind in a butterfly net” (Fukuoka, 145). Changing from moment to moment, with every breath, the face of nature is unknowable. We are existing nature and this existence is unknowable.

            As I understand our current global being, I see a need to look beyond these patterns, and escape our compartmentalizing tendencies in order for the earth (we) to exist. Start not by seeing earth as nature, but by seeing earth as your own mind, body and soul. I wholeheartedly agree with the belief that “to be” you must “inter-be”; so that talk of just being, that state of mind comes with the realization of existence’s interconnectedness. It is how we see things that creates separation or relation. If we see them as separate, they will be separate in our reality; if we see them as related, they will be related in our reality. It is all in the seeing. We see separation only when we ignore the larger context and framework of existence; “No person is an island. Even an island is an island only in relationship to the water surrounding it” (Kumar, 178). We cannot continue to separate, compartmentalize, confine, and then pass these judgements as truths.

            The human intellect has given a structure of relativity to experience. We seemingly refuse to see experiences just as they are, without interpretation, judgements, or assumptions by the intellect. The influence and weight we give to human intellect in finding “Truth” has birthed a knowledge based on discrimination. We have sculpted a fragmented, incomplete understanding of being, which the basis of human knowledge is rooted in. This basis comes from the analytic, willful intellect in an attempt to organize experience into a logical framework. It is limited scientific truth and judgement which sets forth an ontological division of human beings from nature. We seek to define existence, to define good and bad, right and wrong. “The world itself never asks whether it is based upon a principle of competition or of cooperation. When seen from the relative perspective of the human intellect, there are those who are strong and there are those who are weak, there is large and there is small” (Fukuoka, 173). If we could step back, back to the days of infancy, we could see light and dark, strong and weak, young and old, but make no judgements. This is how you are, therefore I am; interconnected as one whole, indefinable in our being. We need to return to perception as it was at our state of infancy, without discrimination.

            So how do we solve the battle ground we have created between earth and ourselves? Well, “you cannot solve problems with the way of thinking that led to their creation” (Albert Einstein). Understanding the words of Einstein, there are two things we need to see here, the patterns of thinking we have locked into thus far, and an identity we should seek as a solution, a new way of thinking. The dominant Western paradigm has ruled the global standard, its pattern of thinking characterized by I THINK, THEREFORE I AM. This thought process epitomizes Cartesian dualism. “Cartesian dualism was an essential feature of a thought process which divided mind and matter, separated soul and body, and looked at the world as a collection of objects to be analyzed, compartmentalized, classified, and controlled” (Kumar, 175). Here we lack a sense of mutuality, reciprocity, we refuse to see the existence of one earth community. Within this dominant global frame of mind we use the word resources in referencing trees, land, oil, human beings, and so on. We perpetuate this idea of ownership, owning existence and all life that falls within it. “Even the environmental movement, which aspires to protect the Earth, is often driven by a pragmatic, utilitarian, dualistic and anthropocentric world-view. ‘The Environment’ is out there and we need to protect it because humankind cannot survive without good soil, clean air, and pure water” (Kumar, 181). Here we practice a selfish ecology, our passionate single-minded concern for nature goes so far as to reinforce the separation between nature and people. We feel as though we have control over nature’s existence, but the “the ‘control of nature’ is a phrase conceived in arrogance, born of the Neanderthal age of biology and philosophy, when it was supposed that nature exists for the convenience of man” (Carson, 297).

            Over time, using social, economic, and scientific “development,” we have begun to make assumptions regarding what is necessary to survive, labeling earth and all the beings within as controllable. Whatever it is that we are now consuming, whatever we think we need to consume to live, is nothing more than something we have thought up. Scientific knowledge has become the basis of living. The need for ultimate Truth through explanation of existence has foreclosed the possibility of experiencing life in favor of explaining it. This need defines modern man, it defines our quest to hold scientific knowledge as ultimate truth. When we hold onto these dreams of the past and fantasies of what is to come, former and future quests of absolute knowledge, we fail to see life simply as it is. We fail to just exist. When we see existence as it is we are able to see the world as real and at hand. But when we narrow our identities to the ego, judging the past and assuming the future, the world becomes frighteningly abstract and distant, seen through a lens of complexity. Through this lens of complexity we interpret the earth and interpret existence as objects open to modification. Our modification of the earth is an issue of the nature and the extent of such interference; when we modify the earth we are modifying ourselves, our existence, as we are an inextricable part of this whole. We need to see the extent of these modifications.

            In pursuing a radical shift in our identity and a radical shift in our thinking, narrowing the ontological divide between human beings and nature, we need to truly see Leopold’s claim that “‘we are only fellow voyagers with other creatures in the odyssey of evolution.’ An adoption of the ecological consciousness he says, ‘changes role of homo-sapiens from conqueror of the land-community to plain member and citizen of it” (Devall & Sessions, 85). I understand this claim to be best articulated through the notion of deep ecology. The idea that “we can make no firm ontological divide in the field of existence: That there is no bifurcation in reality between the human and the non human realms…to the extent that we perceive boundaries, we fall short of deep ecological consciousness,” is the central institution of deep ecology (Devall & Sessions, 66). This perception of existence realizes a radical ideological shift in our thinking. Through this lens we eliminate division of existence into varieties of natural phenomena, we no longer are enforcing separation of being into objects of investigation. We are moving away from a need to explain and justify life. We are moving away from a time when “people undertook to explain this one drop of dew scientifically, trapping themselves in the endless hell of intellect” (Fukuoka,165). We are acknowledging that we are a part of a larger whole, and that all is one, experiencing life rather than explaining it, seeing that it just is. Recognize man and nature as one, continuously changing. There is nothing to know as “Truth” as existence will never be stagnant. Deep ecological awareness recognizes that “scientific truth can never reach the absolute truth, and philosophies, after all, are nothing more than interpretations of the world. Nature as grasped by scientific knowledge is a nature which has been destroyed; it is a ghost possessing skeleton, but no soul. Nature as grasped by philosophical knowledge is a theory created out of human speculation, a ghost with a soul, but no structure” (Fukuoka, 125). Leaving these notions of separation, division, compartmentalization, and judgement behind I am no longer “Tara, from Chicago, here in Auroville on a university program studying self and environmental sustainability.” Instead, I am. Who are you?

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              Part one; a letter to a close friend, written on October 12th, 2011.

              How can I ever understand nature at its most basic level? What is nature’s most basic level? Are we not nature? And the idea of education- how can I ever call myself educated when I am just beginning to understand my relationship to this earth, to the beings around me? What does this formal “education” teach us; within this reality we define what is around us, we classify what is around us, we categorize what is around us, we label what is around us. Within this education system I can’t say I even knew myself, let alone much about the being of anything else. I knew definitions we as humans have created, but that separated me from my larger self, from my identity, from feeling, from the sensations earth has to offer. It separated me from the life around me, from the life in me. I once saw remote, untouched areas of the earth and of the land as pristine. But to see even the deepest depths of the Amazon as pristine, I was ignoring the magnificence of life and being in each blade of grass around me right here and right now. I was seeing myself as separate, as removed from this pristine world of “life” or of “nature.” But we are life and we are nature. The ant right next to me is just as magnificent as the elephant in the jungle, as the tiger in the forest, as the rarest species of soaring birds in the mountains.

              I began seeing this larger identity of the self and the magnificence in all life. I began to see no separation between my ego and beings around me. I am nature. I am the dirt beneath my feet. I am the particles of air wandering the earth. I am the ant on my pillow. And feeling as one leaves me wanting nothing more than to be in existence with all life. To be one with all life, not to separate myself in studying this life. But to instead see them as myself, to feel compassion, love, understanding of their being, and appreciation. To feel deep sorrow in the death of an ant, just as I would feel deep sorrow in the death of a close friend. To see all this life as magnificently beautiful and one. We are all one. This is my happiness, this is my being, this is my identity, this is my love, this is me living. I am more alive than ever before.

              Before I can delve back into injustices of humanity, I need to understand this being of one. To feel this deep connection with all life. Seeing all existence as a part of me, as me, is the most wildly powerful form of identification and understanding I have ever felt. I can truly act from this well of compassion.

              It also has taken me time to see what happiness is. What conscious, present, happiness is for me at this moment. There are endless thoughts going through my head of what will make me happy or what will not make me happy- but these are all based on expectations, on needs instilled in me by humanity. I impose these ideas of need on myself as well.  Once these needs are presented to me, no matter how long I have lived in happiness without them, I feel I now need them to be happy in my future.  But in this moment, to exist in happiness is to see the love, joy, magnificence, wondrous sensations, being and life in everything around me. To be happy in the present, in my being, in my existence, in the relationships I have with life around me, the people around me, the world around me, that is happiness. That is unconditional, ever present happiness. I can’t find happiness in things I will or won’t do in the future. Chasing ideas, summer jobs, careers, expectations, or desires is not happiness. I will not chase ideas of home or far away exploration, I will not chase the person I “want” to be, but I will be her now, here. I will not put off for a second the person I want to be, because I can be her in this very moment. It is not my surroundings, job, exploration, or journeying that will make me this person. It is not these expectations and needs. It is me. It is this skin, flesh, mind, and soul that hold the power and sensation of happiness within.

              These are the thoughts and understandings within my being. There is no right or wrong truth. As long as your truths bring presence, happiness, passion, identity, and love into your life, then they are the truths for you. They are beautiful truths.

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                (Introduction to Parts 1,2,& 3) Sustainability of a larger self; You are, therefore I am. Inextricable we are.

                The very first week of the program we all shared what it was that we thought brought us here, piecing together how we came to be here with one another. Amongst other things I was looking to bring lofty ideas of sustainability down to a personal level. I felt that I was talking the sustainability talk, but couldn’t quite figure out how to navigate the walk. There were endless big ideas in my head regarding centralized, globalized, large-scale monoculture of our minds, our bodies, our society, and the commodification of our being. I had thoughts on localization, community farming, diversity, decentralization, etc, but I could not for the life of me figure out exactly how I fit in to all of this. I wanted to discover who I was in the midst all these big ideas. Ironically enough, in seeking my individual “purpose,” I began to question the knowledge behind our truths, the very truths from which we believe we find purpose. I think part of this inquiry stemmed from the beautiful conversations had on the fields of Solitude, the other part of it stemmed from the many books I have come to read and treasure during my time here. I really came to see our tendency as human beings to confine and define existence. We seek patterns in our thinking and in this quest we gravitate towards confinement. “The purpose of thinking is to find the nearest pattern, lock into it, and no longer need to think. Essentially the purpose of thinking is to not think” (Edward de Bono). These patterns of thought seek to define specific truths so that we no longer question, but instead have an answer. We fall into the trap of our own narrow patterns. It’s funny because as we go along you’ll see that I come to the conclusion that we all chase this idea of purpose and ultimate knowledge, we chase our “Truth,” but what I came to find was that there are no answers, there is no one Truth. I found my answer in the fact that there are no answers. I found my truth in the fact that there is no Truth. In reflecting on De Bono’s discussion on locking into our individual patterns of thoughts, I found that as we lock into patterns of ultimate answers and truth, our knowledge impedes the truth or relevance of any other perspective. Part of this trap, I have found myself falling into from time to time, is always looking to the future or reflecting on the past for answers, constructing an endless pursuit of happiness.

                I found that I was watching life pass by in a dream, my mind clinging to notions of the past and future. Stumbling around what I had lived and still have yet to live created a fear of death, and ultimately an inability to be in the present, within myself. How easily I can forget that I am living here on earth, right now. Have you ever done this; given your attention away to the past and future, ignoring the present? When we hold onto these dreams of the past and fantasies of the future we fail to see life simply as it is. We fail to just exist. When we see existence as it is we are able to see the world as real and at hand, but when we narrow our identities to the ego, judging the past and assuming the future, the world becomes frighteningly abstract and distant, seen through a lens of complexity. I was seeing all these lofty ideas, notions of sustainability and the self, through a lens of complexity. A lens well known by our global population and dominant Western paradigm. Here, I am sharing my journey of experience. A journey in which I questioned, doubted, and sought truth. A journey where I began to see my identity. I began to expand my identity, and realize the notion of a larger self. One simple factor links everything about consumption, human behavior, and sustainability together in my mind; we must not act out of a moral consciousness but instead act out of a well of deep compassion, this well being rooted in our identity. I have come to see sustainability as a journey of expanding identity. Within this journey I found that conscious, present being was my happiness, that I am not separate from you, nor my family, nor the earth beneath my feet, but that we are all one. So that the connections I feel can be felt throughout existence, that my energy vibrates through my being, outwards to all other existence. These vibrations constantly being in motion, as they are undefinable, unable to be compartmentalized, I am undefinable, I am growing within my self. I am growing within but not away from anything else, as with this growth of self, everything comes to exist within me. It is a beautiful declaration of dependence amongst everything that is, all beings, human and non human, living and non living. You are, therefore I am.

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                  Solitude; more than I could ever have imagined it to be

                  “We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been- a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free.” – Starhawk 

                  Internal Individual

                  These are not my words above, yet as I put voice to these words I find no better description of Solitude. Solitude is more than the name. It is more than a farm. For me, Solitude fills the body with overwhelming sensations. In this paper I will attempt to put these sensations into words; but as I go along, I will refer to these sensations and to this place in my being as Solitude Farm.

                  Solitude started as a place where being in the field was enough to sustain me. Farming has been, and is still, my meditation. I most often relate it to the book,You Are Therefore I amI can meditate while I am farming since I am seeking meaning while allowing the work to flow through my body. Farming does not come before meditation, it is the medium which brings me closer to a meditative state. It allows my thoughts to come and go, and for my mind to be still. In the early weeks of Solitude this meditative being filled my soul to capacity.

                  As the weeks went by a feeling of home began to push its way to the forefront of my being, filling my soul to a greater capacity than I thought possible. A rush of relief, love, passion, creativity, self, and identity came forth as I stepped through the gate each morning. It felt as though I could only have envisioned and dreamt of such a place. I must preface this by saying that the essence of Solitude is where my imagination wanders when I dream of my future; a permaculture and natural farming based community, in touch with earth, filled with passion, exuding love, strength, and soul. Soul being present. “Past is only a memory, future is only in our imagination. The past and the future are only products of our mind. Soul is always in the present” (Satish Kumar, 60). Solitude felt like a place half envisioned, half remembered, yet more present than anything before, as it was in that very moment my reality.

                  This reality grows for me each and every time I see Solitude, and am with Solitude. Here Solitude is much more than the physical farm. It is the people with whom I can speak passionately without getting stuck in thought, it is the open arms and smiles than light my sky when I walk in, it is the voices who celebrate with me when I find my own, it is the strength of Solitude. It is the compassion every community member has towards each other. I keep referring to such big feelings, emotions, and ideas, because Solitude instills a FULL sensation in me.

                  Bringing it to a tangible level I want to recognize all the factors which bring me to feel satisfied throughout my entire being. Within this program I have begun to look at identity of the self. The fields of Solitude have expanded my identity of self to include all the millipedes, centipedes, spiders, ants, grasshoppers, snakes, dirt, and lives which have passed over my body. I am not alarmed, nor happy, nor scared, nor angry, as we come into physical contact. I see them and they see me, there is a compassion, an understanding, and an identification towards them which I have never felt in my life before. They are no longer out of my life’s sight, so they cannot be out of my life’s mind. They have become a part of me, and I them. Connected through breadth, and through being.

                  Next comes the people of Solitude. They have further impacted my sense of self in such a strong way. We talk about reality, love, self, truth, eternality, existence, being, and identification. These are just the words that come to mind on a surface level. The thoughts and sentiments behind these words have molded my internal experience here, my perception of me. My Solitude reality and perception of the self is based in support and encouragement. I am within an environment where we support and encourage each other to challenge ourselves without outside judgements. There is the idea that we are creating space for growth, learning, understanding, and change of the self, expanding our identities. In creating this space, there are no assumptions or judgements of what others actions will be, or a set belief of who they are indefinitely. This is a space for exactly the opposite. It is a space fostering growth within each other, and fostering this growth within ourselves. Our personal levels of consciousness are so deeply connected that I think it allows for this space to be created and to actually work in the most positive and beautiful ways. As a community, we are on a similar journey. It is a journey of communication, exchanges, and eternal education. We practice and are aware of non violent communication. It is the first community I have experienced where this consciousness of thought and speech comes naturally. I can whole heartedly say that there are no assumption, no judgements, no preconceived notions of who each other are, or who we will become. My Solitude reality is filled with unending education and evolution of the self.

                  Moreover, Solitude has instilled a sense of appreciation and love within me. Love on such a deep level that it allows me to see the magnificence in every detail of life. Ingrained in the value system of Solitude is the idea that no life is lowly, every element of moss, weed, vegetable, seed, tree, rain, growth, death, dirt, tick, water, wind, and force of energy is magnificent with being. Here there is nothing lowly in the universe.

                  This sense of love and magnificence in the simplicity of being is illustrated beautifully by a wildly wondrous celebration of life on the farm that took place yesterday (October 25th, 2011). We were harvesting peanuts when monsoon clouds began to roll in. As they picked up speed the sky grew darker and the air spun the windmill continuously faster. A downpour of rain pounded the field as lightning cracked, and thunder boomed. It was frightening yet magical. There was no question about it, the harvest would continue. In the midst of the harvest we began to dance in the mud, and sing, and scream at the top of our lungs. I could not hear even a single vibration from Josh’s mouth, the force of thunder and lightning drowning him out as he yelled with all his might. As we danced we slipped in the mud, and as we slipped through the mud we began to take each other with us. A field full of Solitude love and passion, tackling each other to the ground in laughter. Not and inch on my body was dry, nor free of mud. Yet it was beautiful, it was a celebration. There were no complaints of the cold or of the work, it was a celebration of life.  As we sat down to a candle lit lunch that afternoon, we shared notions of natural forces and connectivity. Rain is a natural force and we are natural beings. As natural beings, being one with that natural energy and force of rain was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. To truly be there and be one; no one was thinking about where they had to go that afternoon, no one was thinking about their clothes getting ruined, no one was thinking about errands they had to run, no one was waiting for the work to end, no one was thinking about being anywhere but there. We were there together with each other and with the rain. We shared how in touch we felt. How powerful the connectivity was with existence and natural forces of being, how powerful it was within us.

                  The energy that results from our passionate exchanges of thought and action is what fills me. It fills me so deeply on an internal level. Affecting me on a psychological, emotional, and even spiritual level. Affecting all my being.

                  External Individual

                  The External Individual quadrant deeply draws from the experiential well of the Internal Individual. The energy that results from the stimulation of my mind, ignited by the passionate exchanges of thoughts, has filled my being. This stimulation has greatly contributed to a shifting perspective and behavioral mind for me.

                  I have gained a deeper sense of consciousness. Solitude has fostered an expansion of my identity, something I can run with, run and share with the world. Part of that identity is realizing the continuous evolution of the self. Each experience enters as a different input into my being. Every single input is then integrated into my mind and will contribute to my outputs. As each input and output passes through my body I am growing, learning, and changing. This creates an everlasting evolution of consciousness. The second part is my literal identity of self. This identity is also eternally evolving.

                  I began seeing this larger identity of the self and the magnificence in all life. I began to see no separation between my ego and beings around me. I am nature. I am the dirt beneath my feet. I am the particles of air wandering the earth. I am the ant on my pillow. Feeling as one leaves me wanting nothing more than to be in existence with all life. To be one with all life. Not separating myself in studying this life, but to instead see them as myself; to feel compassion, love, understanding of their being, and appreciation. To feel deep sorrow in the death of an ant, just as I would feel deep sorrow in the death of a close friend. To see all this life as magnificently beautiful and one. We are all one. This is my happiness, this is my being, this is my identity, this is my love, this is me living.

                  My identity of self will shrink and grow, persistently evolving over time throughout my existence. Consciously expanding my self aligns with the inspiration Solitude was founded on. The book, One-Straw Revolution explains Masanobu Fukuoka’s  belief that “natural farming proceeds from the spiritual health of the individual. He considers the healing of the land and the purification of the human spirit to be one process” (xxxi). It is this very principle and identity I will carry home with me. Krishna often talks about the existence of expansive and narrow being. Both persistent in this world and in my reality. The narrow can be represented through a dissective nature; “I think, therefore I am.” This compartmentalization creates limits. These limitations reflect a mechanistic view of reality. It separates, labels, defines, categorizes, classifies, and distinctualizes existence. Being. Natural farming negates this very stigma. It is Fukuoka’s view of farming which has inspired much of the methodology, practices, and foundational being of Solitude.

                  This perspective has changed my fundamental views of agriculture. As a Community-Based Agroecology major I saw the balanced nature of integrative, regenerative farming and its correlation to community sustainability. Solitude has combined these components for me, molding a new reality and understanding. I am beginning to recognize the fertility of nature as it is, beyond reach of the imagination (Masanobu Fukuoka, 36). We have made necessary the use of chemicals, pesticides, and conventional methods because earth’s natural balance has been so badly upset by these very techniques that the land has become dependent upon them. Our dependance grows as “people’s philosophies [man’s improved techniques] have come to spin faster than the changing seasons” (Masanobu Fukuoka, 19).

                  Humanity has created conditions under which we must be educated to get along, we must use conventional farming practices to get along, we must drink filtered water to get along, etc. Solitude has pushed me to challenge these conditions. I drank the ground water there, unfiltered and filled with minerals. It taught me to trust. It taught me not to be ignorantly blinded by societal norms and conditions. Instead I learned to challenge them, shedding my fear and preconceived notions of life. Shedding my preconceived notions of India. Shedding my preconceived notions of ground water in a country other than my own. Shedding the environment and identity humanity as a whole has created, shedding my disconnection from existence and breath.

                  It is the basic regenerative principles of permaculture and natural farming that have influenced my academia and view of existence the most. Solitude and the inspiration it is founded on has shed a bright ray of light on the natural realm of existence. Life. I am walking away, poettu varen (“I will go and come back: in Tamil), with a new perception of identity.

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                    A beautiful woman in my life

                    This blog talks about environment as a whole- all that influenced my reality until college- IL, Naperville, my schooling, etc. It is not influenced by any single person, or even a group of people, but instead by the way I internalized my experiences and interactions with people, places and the life….

                    I have grown up in an environment which religiously fostered a belief in the importance of being somebody. To be someone I must be at the top of my class, I must get good grades (better than the grades of those around me), I must go to a reputable college, I must find my passions and follow them through, I must be “victorious in comparison of abilities.” In this environment I identify with the self; with the ego. This reality creates a vast underestimation of the human self. This environment never fostered me to act, care and feel with true compassion for all beings. It didn’t tell me to imbue my positive intentions with spirit and energy. What are spirit and energy in this environment? Maybe it’s what the cheerleaders were expected to bring to the halftime cheer during football games.

                    Instead this environment encouraged acts of kindness out of courtesy, not broadened to include the power of energy or soul. But the effect of ones energy is so powerful that it can travel from the being to the being of those around, passing through their energy field and into their bodies, bodies of life- both human and non-human. My environment previous to college, previous to this very point in time, did not care to “ensure that there was an appropriate flow of nourishment, not just from the landscape to the human inhabitants, but from the human community back to the local earth.”

                    We are inextricably embedded in the vast biological cycles we poison- but do we integrate this poison into our lives? Do we identify with the pain of earth’s biota which surrounds us? Do we experience this pain or do we avoid facing the despair such poison provokes? Deep Ecology asks these questions- subjecting the “core of our human social existence and our thinking to piercing scrutiny.” How should we respond to our actions being subjected to this scrutiny? My immediate reaction was to act out of a moral consciousness, but then I took a second look…why did I need moral pressure to act with compassion? Am I dependent upon moral pressure to care for human beings? To care for myself, my body, my being. No. So how can I extend this awareness and identification to the living beings of the non-human world around me?

                    “Early in life the social self is sufficiently developed so that we do not prefer to eat a big cake alone. We share the cake with our family and friends. We identify with these people sufficiently to see our joy in their joy, and to see our disappointment in theirs. Now is the time to share with all life forms on our maltreated earth by deepening our identification with all life forms, with ecosystems, and with Gaia, this fabulous, old planet of ours.”

                    To find beauty in deepening of the self is a wildly powerful sensation. We begin to care for and protect out of freewill and love for our very selves, not out of moral consciousness or obligation. Identification is the foundation of this expanding self. Identification with all life forms- inclusive of the multiple non-human entities…starting with living biota, expanding to realize the particular winds and weather patterns, as well as forests, rivers, caves, mountains- all beings which lend their specific character to the surrounding earth (Abram, 304). Life interpenetrates on every level. We are the earth, and the earth is us. Everything, every being, every molecule existing in our reality is us and we are them. The following excerpt fromThinking Like A Mountain is a wondrous explanation of this—

                    Water- blood, lymph, mucus, sweat, tears, inner oceans tugged by the moon, tides within and tides without. Streaming fluids floating our cells, washing and nourishing through endless river ways of gut and vein and capillary. Moisture pouring in and through and out of you, of me, in the vast poem of the hydrological cycle. You are that. I am that.

                    Earth- matter made from rock and soil. It too is pulled by the moon as the magma circulates through the planet heart and roots suck molecules into biology. Earth pours through us, replacing each cell in the body every seven years. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we ingest, incorporate and excrete the earth, are made from earth. I am that. You are that.

                    Air- the gaseous realm, the atmosphere, the planet’s membrane. The inhale and the exhale. Breathing out carbon dioxide to the trees and breathing in their fresh exudations. Oxygen kissing each cell awake, atoms dancing in orderly metabolism, interpenetrating. That dance of the air cycle, breathing the universe in and out again, is what you are, is what I am.

                    Fire- from our sun that fuels all life, drawing up plants and raising the waters to the sky to fall again replenishing. The inner furnace of your metabolism burns with the fire of the big bang that first sent matter-energy spinning through space and time. And the same fire as the lightning that flashed into the primordial soup catalyzing the birth of organic life.

                    You were there, I was there, for each cell of our bodies is descended in an unbroken chain from that event.”

                    This is the realization of the greater biological being of self. This is identification with all beings- all matter, all existence.

                    My understanding and identification of a larger self is enabled to be born through love. Specifically, genuine self-love taught to me by my mom. “There is nothing more conducive to giving a child the experience of what love, joy, and happiness are than being loved by a mother who loves herself.” As a child I asked my mom quite frequently who she loved most in this world, she never faltered in response- “I love myself, because if I did not love myself first then I could not love anyone else. I could not love you.” This genuine self-love taught me what it means to love. She taught me what it means to identify with the self, to see the self as a foundation for all outward love.

                    As I expand that self to a wider self, compassion and love flow to more beings. As my capacity for identification expands, that seed of love within my being grows to encompass all that falls within. I see this genuine self love, implanted in me by the example my mother set, as enabling me to love the self, the individual self, but also the greater self.

                    This beautiful woman in my life, this beautiful woman who gave birth to me, this beautiful woman who let me be a part of her world, this beautiful woman has taught me the single most important lesson any being can know- learning to love the self. Being loved by a mother who loves herself, allowed me to know what it means to truly love, taught me where the very core of happiness stems from. It is this happiness and this love for myself that I can transfer to more and more beings, the earth, and life, as I expand my self. It allows me to have genuine love of the greater self without it being a sacrifice. It isn’t a moral obligation, it is a genuine self love.

                    If I saw this love as a sacrifice I was making, then identification with the larger self would be fragmented. It would be a moral obligation, no longer an extension of myself, but a notion completely separate from the individual. I would not be able to feel for and identify with the beings around me, the life we affect with each and every one of our action, our choices, our being. But because of my mother, because of the genuine self love she instilled in me, I have been able to begin to bridge the identification gap.

                    I see my identification growing each minute of each day. Though at times it falters- most commonly with humans, believe it or not. I am learning (slowly, very slowly) to see things as they are without judging them as good or bad. To extend my love and acceptance to reality. Whatever that reality may be. This is proving to be an incredibly long and hard process for me. I wonder what place questioning has in all of this. Is questioning something a judgement? I’m finding myself questioning more consciously- trying to avoid judgements in that language, in my thoughts.

                    You Are Therefore I Am, by Satish Kumar describes this principle.

                    “Understanding the true nature of existence, including the true nature of oneself: accepting reality as it is and being truthful to it, attempting to see things as they are without judging them as good or bad. It means ‘Don’t Lie’ in its deepest sense, don’t have illusions about yourself: how important you are, how unimportant you are, how good you are, how bad you are. Suspend all judgments. Face the truth without fear. Things are as they are; they are not good or bad, weak or strong. These are all interpretations.”

                    I will end the blog with one last thought, a thought which summarizes how I see my reality being formed- Reality is multi-centered and our truth can be found to emerge from a deep well of compassion, its foundation in identification with the self. A growing self.

                    *unless otherwise noted the quotes throughout this blog come from Thinking Like A Mountain, by John Seed, Joanna Macy, Pat Fleming, and Arne Naess

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